pseudostoops

Clarification

2007-01-15T11:07:00.000-06:00

For those of you (ahem, John) who were confused by my previous hints and allusions... I blog here now. pseudostoops.wordpress.com. The end.

Lies, damned lies, and statistics

2007-01-04T11:42:00.000-06:00

Did you know that 65% of bloggers who say they're quitting really don't? And that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot? Hope you'll come on over.

snurfle

2006-12-21T20:14:00.000-06:00

When I was working with kids, I got sick a lot. Any germ, virus, or bacterial infection that wafted into the 5th grade classroom would, without exception, find its way into my body. It got to the point where, from December to April, I either was developing a cold, had a cold, or was recovering from a cold WITHOUT A SINGLE DAY OFF. I remember coming to law school one of the happiest surprises

I think I missed some key junior high peer learning phase

2006-12-18T07:33:00.000-06:00

I am phenomenally lazy when it comes to certain things about my appearance- makeup especially. I'm able to muster the will to put on mascara maybe three days a week, and powder/lipgloss/eyeliner are even rarer. To give you an idea of how seriously limited my makeup use is, my sister gave me a Bobbi Brown lipstick for Christmas ("you could look so pretty if you wore makeup!) in 1999 and I still

Not surprising, exactly, but still funny.

2006-12-13T11:35:00.000-06:00

Diversity in education is a slippery concept sometimes. I taught in a largely Mexican community, where we dutifully celebrated Cesar Chavez along with Martin Luther King. I grew up around Chicago, where we celebrated Casimir Pulaski Day (for the war hero, not the Sufjan Stevens song) in addition to President's Day. Black History Month was an annual observance in both schools. We tried. And

gifting is strange

2006-12-11T18:22:00.000-06:00

When you have found something to give to someone on your holiday list that is within your target spending range and which you think the recipient might really enjoy, and then you go to the store and discover that it has been marked down 50%, is your reaction: a) joy, as in "wow, sweet, I got exactly what I planned to get for this person at half the cost!" or b) a pang of ambivalence, as in "hm

Ugh. Help?

2006-12-10T15:18:00.000-06:00

Sigh. It seems that the combination of posting every day in November, taking finals the first week in December, and finding out I didn't get the job I was hoping for last week has left me feeling a little deflated. And out of material. Things I actually considered blogging about: - Clementines. (I mean, yum, but seriously not worth a blog entry) - My new garlic press. - Getting all our

"A day that will live in infamy," indeed!

2006-12-07T16:22:00.000-06:00

The good: I passed the MPRE! Huzzah! The bad: I took a seven-hour exam that was (a) hard and (b) long and (c) did I mention hard? UPDATE: The unknown: At this very moment, somewhere in New York, a committee is meeting to decide whether I have a job next year or not. Send hopeful thoughts, please. The sad: No job. Sigh. Drawing board, here I come!

Aaaaaand.....Scene!

2006-11-30T15:09:00.000-06:00

In a lovely coincidence, today, the last day of NaBloPoMo, is also my last day of classes for the term. On the last day of class, we have a nice tradition where everyone gives the professor a hearty round of applause, which usually causes the professor to blush and say Aw Shucks and causes everyone else to feel all warm and fuzzy. There was one class, back when we were 1Ls, where this

31 Years is a Long Time

2006-11-29T20:24:00.000-06:00

Today is my parents' thirty-first wedding anniversary. Whoa. I couldn't imagine being married to either of them, (they are my parents, after all- it's my job to identify their foibles) but I also couldn't imagine any two people being happier with their choice of each other, which is pretty great. Happy Anniversary, mom and dad!

I was very nervous about going into my meeting after reading this

2006-11-28T20:42:00.000-06:00

I happened to be at a law firm (The Firm) for a meeting yesterday. I got there a little early and sat in their waiting area, where The Firm had a prominently displayed "media binder," full of news articles that mentioned the firm or its lawyers. Right on top was an article about associate/partner relations at firms. It was from a legal magazine, and it was about how many young associates now

A slightly embarrassing moment

2006-11-27T16:28:00.000-06:00

Some book suggested that a cool thing to do with your blog is show your readers a little bit about you by taking pictures of things in your closet. That's a nifty idea, but since no one is really that interested in looking at pictures of 2 pairs of jeans, 52 tshirts, and 3 ratty old black sweaters, it didn't seem like a good idea for my blog. But then I had an idea. I spent a lot of time in

and also cheese

2006-11-26T09:53:00.000-06:00

We're off to Wisconsin for the day. There will be some art, some football, some PBR and some live music. It promises to be such a good time that I'm unlikely to get back before midnight. We are wild and crazy kids, staying out past midnight on a school night, aren't we?

uncle

2006-11-25T22:37:00.000-06:00

My life is officially too boring to merit posting every day. Probably shouldn't have taken me 25 days to realize that. But in the interest of seeing things through, I am reduced to giving you a joke and calling it a post. Q: Why didn't anyone want to be friends with the lobster? A: because he was so shellfish! (That one was big with elementary school students, I promise. Yeah, I give up now.)

Must be nuts

2006-11-24T17:48:00.000-06:00

Today I got so tired of studying voting rights law that I went to the mall. Voluntarily. On the busiest shopping day of the year. (In my defense, I was visiting my only friend who was having a worse day than I was, as she works in retail, which makes Black Friday particularly wretched.) And may I say, to the CHARMING woman who gunned around me in the parking lot to veer into the space I was

Gobble

2006-11-23T16:13:00.000-06:00

My sister has pretty serious health problems that lead to various food restrictions- no salt, no wheat, no sugar, no oats, pretty much no dairy- you might as well call us "dietary restrictions R us." But, as we enjoy our stuffing free, unsweetened, unsalted Thanksgiving dinner, I'll be giving thanks for the fact that despite all her health weirdness, her illness has been diagnosed and, with

Better late than never

2006-11-22T18:52:00.000-06:00

Welcome, friends, to Foot in your Mouth Mondays Wednesdays, Volume IIIMurphy reminded me that all of two weeks into my new tradition of posting stupid stuff I say every Monday, I forgot this week. Oops. But hey! I’m a good sport! I’ll just move it to Wednesday [note: some details have been changed to protect the innocent.] The scene: Casa de pseudo, friends over to watch the game.

The best-laid plans?

2006-11-21T17:49:00.000-06:00

Law school, for me, happened kind of by accident. There were several reasons I didn’t want to keep teaching where I was teaching, and I was looking for other options- maybe different teaching jobs, maybe something in nonprofits, maybe grad school. I’d like to tell you that I did a lot of research and some soul searching and decided law was really the right career for me, but it was nothing so

I would be the worst Atkins dieter EVER.

2006-11-20T21:16:00.000-06:00

What do you do when the flu shot you got gives you the flu and even though you should be studying for your fast-approaching finals you feel like you want to die? You bake bread, of course. And then, like a total freakazoid, you take pictures of it. Because your spouse will think it's totally normal for you to say "no! you can't eat it yet! hands off until I take pictures!" Or maybe he'll

2006-11-19T15:52:00.000-06:00

Almost too easy It appears that every weekend now I'm going to be posting something about advertisers appealing to the "stupid women!" demographic. Seriously? "I totally don't know what that means but I want it?" With the faux-hick accent? Argh.

Quandary

2006-11-18T19:00:00.000-06:00

When two of your alma mater's rivals are playing each other, who do you cheer for? The team that is, technically, considered your team's classic "rival," with a storied history of hard-fought games and insults slurred back and forth, but towards which you've never really felt all that much animosity? Or the team that's only kind of a rival, with less of the history, but whose students are so

oy to the vey

2006-11-17T18:03:00.000-06:00

I have officially reached the level of "white guilt neurosis." Walking out of school this afternoon, I crossed the street in the middle of the block to get to my car, which was on the other side of the street and a little further down. As I started to cross I noticed, walking toward me, a young thugged-out black man, and even though I hadn't seen him before I started crossing the street, and

Eat your heart out, Persephone

2006-11-16T14:36:00.000-06:00

I spend a fair amount of time cooking, and I really love it, but unlike some people, it's not an endeavor that typically creates beautifully creative and photogenic food so much as an exercise in trying to make dinner taste okay. But pomegranates, when they come in season, inspire me a bit. They're a bit too fancy pants for an everyday food, and yet when they're sitting there in the grocery

If it doesn't fit....

2006-11-15T08:27:00.000-06:00

Yuck. Just yuck. OJ Simpson is releasing the "definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century" by doing an "exclusive interview" to coincide with the release of his new book: "If I Did It," which "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed." Come on, dude. If you get away with murdering two people- causing their deaths, ending their lives, forcing their families to

Wow! Pictures!

2006-11-14T21:56:00.000-06:00

So after owning a new camera for, oh, three months? I finally installed the software that goes with it so I can stop downloading pictures to John's computer and emailing them to myself whenever I want to use one in here. What precipitated this sudden bout of productivity, you ask? The burning, overwhelming need to show you this: This perfect storm of kitsch, angel, and Longhorn pride. It is a

Foot In Your Mouth Mondays: Volume II

2006-11-13T16:33:00.000-06:00

So in keeping with our new Monday theme, here I am again to regale you with a tale of me being a total freaking idiot who cannot keep her trap shut. Excitement! Last week was the annual law school first term party, affectionately dubbed by one classmate “nerds in heat.” (Worst expression ever. Just try to get the image of “nerds in heat” out of your head. Gross, isn’t it? Yeah.) Though I

Hook 'em horns

2006-11-12T22:11:00.000-06:00

I am always apprehensive about things that everyone else assumes are a given. Call me superstitious, but last week when EVERY SINGLE ESPN predictor picked the Bears to win, I got nervous- and sure enough, loss #1. Similarly, when we went to Austin this week and learned that the famed Longhorns were playing the relatively unimpressive Kansas State and were virtually assured a cakewalk victory, I

Austin City Limits

2006-11-11T23:21:00.000-06:00

Advertisement seen in the bathroom of a beer bar tonight: "Raise your GPA.....Flirt with your TA!" It was for tampons. Holy Hell. Back tomorrow, with pictures!

Does this count as Friday?

2006-11-10T02:27:00.000-06:00

2:20 a.m counts as Friday, right? I don't know why I'm so focused on posting everyday, but that was the challenge and I'm trying my best. Headed to Austin in the morning for anniversary trip (paper anniversary = plane tickets. Did I mention how cool my husband is?) I can only hope the Marriot courtyard in Austin has internet so I can stay on the NaBloPoMo bandwagon tomorrow. Yours in TexMex

Who knew it was this hard to get into jail?

2006-11-09T16:19:00.000-06:00

Last week marked Client’s one year anniversary in jail. Roll that over in your brain for a moment. Client, who has yet to be tried for anything, will get to remember his 15th year as “the year I spent in jail waiting for something to happen on that case I caught.” I remember my 15th year as being something like “the year I really really really hoped Andrew Brennan would notice me and ask me to

Sigh

2006-11-08T17:23:00.000-06:00

Sigh. Amidst all the democratic celebrating and the “hey, the new voting procedures didn’t go as badly as we’d feared,” it’s nice to see that corruption and insanity persists in Chicago elections. The cook county board president’s race, which had a long and sordid history even before election day, turned out to be predictably off the wall. My favorite part of this story? Is this: Cook County

Priorities

2006-11-07T17:16:00.000-06:00

The most encouraging sign I've seen so far that people are taking the election at least sort of seriously? The news of Britney's divorce is at the very bottom of the news stories on cnn.com, instead of the lead story like it would be on any other day. I love celebrity gossip and all, but some things are just more important. Happy voting!

Foot In Your Mouth Mondays, Volume I

2006-11-06T20:38:00.000-06:00

Inspired by dear Johanna, I have decided to start a special feature here at casa de pseudo (which hopefully will help give me enough new material to keep me writing every day in November): I’m calling it “Foot in Your Mouth Mondays.” That’s right. Every Monday this month I will regale you with a fabulous tale of a time when I just stepped right into it and stuck my foot so far into my mouth

11.05.2005

2006-11-05T17:15:00.000-06:00

A year ago today, I woke up at 6am, unable to go back to sleep, even though it was a Saturday and I could have used the rest. I was at my parents’ house, and I went downstairs to make some coffee and found my parents already awake, coffee already brewing. (I guess the early rising runs in the family.) For the first few hours of the morning, things were normal- my dad and I went and got

Like a million tiny clothespins tugging at your face

2006-11-04T13:53:00.000-06:00

Here, in graphical form, is my impression of today's MPRE: The only thing worse than taking the test is waiting for five weeks to see if I passed it. So far, in the first week of December I am scheduled to: (a) take finals (b) find out whether I have a job next year or not (c) find out whether we won our motion or not, and (d) find out whether the state bar association considers me ethical

Set for Status

2006-11-03T19:57:00.000-06:00

Every time I go to court, I am struck all over again by how flipping long it takes for anything to get done in our local court system. Take our current motion: we filed the motion in June, it was set for hearing in September, was then postponed to October, when we presented half of it, then was continued to today, when we presented the other half, then the state said it was going to need a

Real thoughts about the actual law and stuff

2006-11-02T12:38:00.000-06:00

When I decided to give this whole writing-a-post-per-day thing a whirl, I sketched out a rough outline of the kinds of things I would talk about each day (Mondays: weekend recap, Tuesdays: why "plumbing" has become my least favorite word, Wednesdays: "knitting patterns for tea cozies" and so on.) In this preliminary plan, Thursdays was "law stuff." So hey! Law stuff! Initially I was going to

NaBloPoMo

2006-11-01T07:44:00.000-06:00

So Eden at Fussy has thrown down and challenged people to post every day in November and because I'm a sucker for a good, um, down-throwing (?), I've decided to give it a shot. Mostly, my goal is to try to incorporate more pictures in here to give myself some practice using my cool new camera and to try to stop being such a freaking disaster with picture-taking. No, really, I suck. Don't

That would be frustration seeping out of my pores

2006-10-30T09:42:00.000-06:00

So the internet at home is still dead, and this weekend there were at least 47 times when I was reminded just how much I have come to rely on this here network of wires and bytes and information zipping along at light speed. Sunday morning, the low point, found me and John on the floor of the gym in our building, laptops on laps, shamelessly freeloading off of some nearby resident's wireless

So THAT'S how you get a toy out of one of those vending machine thingies....

2006-10-26T11:01:00.000-05:00

Though the part about the three year old using a screwdriver to facilitate his escape is pretty good, I think I would have liked this story even better if the rescue effort had involved a roll of quarters and a twelve-year-old arcade prodigy trying to grap the kid at just the right angle to pluck him out of the pile of toys.

Insult to injury

2006-10-24T10:49:00.000-05:00

So in addition to possibly causing disastrous health problems, the mold has gone and STOLEN MY INTERNET. Seems "cutting out the mold" also involves "cutting out the internet wires." Sniffle.

Dying a slow, damp, death

2006-10-23T09:02:00.000-05:00

For a while I was living in California in a beautiful old house rented to me and four other teachers by a very very stupid man who hadn't quite thought through what "five adult renters" was going to mean for his lovingly-restored home. The landlord's mother had lived in the house, and when she died he restored it, doing much of the work himself to save money. "Charming!" we thought. "An old

Did you know that in the myth, the original Marathon runner DIED AT THE END?

2006-10-22T11:15:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine from college is a Very Fast Runner, the kind who travels hither and yon for races, and so even though she is a doctor in California she is here in Chicago today running the marathon. I decided that it would be good exercise for me to walk the two blocks from my apartment to the 25 mile point of the racecourse to cheer her on as she finished, so I carefully calculated 2 hours and

And the sigh of relief...

2006-10-19T20:58:00.000-05:00

So I did it. I will never have my first moment in front of a judge ever again. After waiting FOUR HOURS past our appointed call time, we finally got rolling, and I cross examined my first police officer. He looked young- he probably graduated high school the same year I did- and it looked this was probably his first time testifying in court, so i was kind of an extravaganza of newness up

Panic time

2006-10-17T22:25:00.000-05:00

So I'm back from reunion, and there are some fun reunion stories to tell and also a little rant about how my stupid college football team is perhaps the worst college football team EVER, but I can't really think about all of that right now because tomorrow? Tomorrow I have to make my first arguments on behalf of a real client in front of a real judge. Oh. Dear. God. Might die of panic.

Do you think you can buy gin and tonics in bulk?

2006-10-12T14:24:00.000-05:00

I am leaving in about half an hour to go to my five year college reunion. I liked college. I liked where I went to college a whole lot. I even liked most of the people in college. But for some reason, even though I liked college and am looking forward to catching up with people, I'm feeling a little ambivalent about the whole thing. There will need to be gin and tonics. And also maybe some

Insert requisite joke about pronunciation of "haaaahvahd" here

2006-10-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned last time, I visited Boston this weekend. My friend Pookie lives in Boston, and I went to visit her in her business school habitat. I felt awfully clever for scheduling my visit to see Pookie at the height of leaf season. The weather was gorgeous. Just look: (Hello solitary skuller! Yes, the weather is quite beautiful!) [Begin very long background story.] One summer,

Stupid coincidences

2006-10-07T09:21:00.000-05:00

Can someone please explain to me why I always, ALWAYS get sick right before I go on a vacation? In Boston til Monday, a trip which I expect will make me want to move to Montana. (Visiting Boston seems to do that to me. Figure THAT one out.)

Could we at least pretend that we think everyone is equal in the eyes of the Constitution?

2006-10-02T23:57:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned before that I work with a program that goes into public high school classrooms and teaches kids about law. It's a fun gig- high school kids are goofy and interesting and take no shit- a nice departure from the typical law school crowd. Recently I was sitting at a table collecting names and emails from people who might be interested in joining this high school law teaching

Notes from a mock trial

2006-10-02T08:19:00.000-05:00

- Wear industrial strength deodorant because it might be 97 degrees in your courtroom. - When you're direct examining your star witness about how he has been unable to be intimate with his wife since the accident, one of your jurors might fart. Loudly. Think in advance about how you are going to maintain your composure if that happens. - When you're cross examining the defense's star witness,

Back to your regularly scheduled blawg

2006-09-29T06:54:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I talked about law school, I realize, but I'm back in school for reals now and those funny law school things keep coming up....so if you're only here for stories about law firms, I'll give you a moment to gather your things and go. I'm taking a trial advocacy class, with a mock trial and everything, which sounds kind of fun but in reality is an excruciating exercise in

Suggestions welcome

2006-09-27T07:51:00.000-05:00

If you were trying to get someone to give you money to work for a public interest agency, how would you respond to the following essay question? State briefly (300 words) your sense of the relevancy of public interest work to contemporary society. Answers I'm considering: - Public interest : contemporary society :: Oxygen : survival - "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can

Usually Edward Norton is all I need to hear, but I'm confused now

2006-09-26T21:51:00.000-05:00

A long time ago my dad worked for a company that was in the middle of a rebranding effort. Part of the process was coming up with a new slogan, which is a remarkably time- and energy-consuming process. There were meetings, and focus groups, and sample advertisements. They finally selected something and then, a week before they rolled out the new campaign, a car company launched a new ad campaign

the generation gap

2006-09-24T16:21:00.000-05:00

Actual conversation with my grandmother (age 87): Grandma: Well, since you don't eat meat I guess you can just cook what you want for yourself and then put a separate piece of meat in the oven for John. Pseudo: Actually, he pretty much just eats what I eat. He orders meat at restaurants sometimes, but at home we don't really cook meat. Grandma (half-wailing): But he's a boy! Boy's need meat!

Oops!

2006-09-21T23:17:00.000-05:00

Without getting too political, this is just too perfect. My favorite part: Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents arrested 127 suspected illegal immigrants Wednesday morning at a construction site next to Buckley Air Force Base in Aurora. Some suggested the raid was possibly the largest immigration bust in state history....The alleged illegal immigrants were working on building military

Yet another product for which I am not the target demographic

2006-09-21T07:41:00.000-05:00

Somehow, despite my best efforts, my primary email address has become a dumping ground for all manner of spam. Every day I get between 30 and 50 emails offering a GrAEt In*vest OpporTOWNity! or BiGGGGG P*nIs. My spam filter does a pretty good job of catching these, (though a few funny ones manage to get through, including one yesterday with quite a catchy headine: "PRISON," it said. The body of

and....scene!

2006-09-19T22:57:00.000-05:00

There are things, my friends. Things to blog about. But it is late, and I have been up since 5, and that makes me tired. So I will leave you with a vignette: The scene: in the courtroom of an unnamed law school. Several dozen trial advocacy students, plus the lawyers teaching them, are gathered for a session entitled "Persuasion." A crazy gray haired woman asks us to breathe, center our

Is there anything better...

2006-09-18T08:50:00.000-05:00

...than the first MacIntosh apple of fall?

Is It Me You're Looking For?

2006-09-15T07:32:00.000-05:00

Remember that creep-tastic Lionel Richie video? The one for the song “Hello” where he’s creepily stalking the blind student from his class and singing “Hello- is it me you’re looking for?” This one 1 I was at the gym this morning, watching VH1 because there’s not a hell of a lot worth watching at 5am (side note: Do I get some sort of wife of the year prize for going to the gym with John at

Jesus, is she still talking about parking?

2006-09-13T11:48:00.000-05:00

I lived in San Francisco and environs for several years before moving here. There were several things about San Francisco that were good: The hills and the oceanNice progressive peopleBurritosThere were, however, some things about San Francisco that were bad: ParkingThat time I almost stepped on a hypodermic needle in the park Parking As much as I would love to exist solely on public

Constantly Craving, That's Me!

2006-09-12T08:47:00.000-05:00

Is it a compliment or an insult when your professor says to you: "I totally see you as a k.d. lang type!" I'm thinking insult. But she said it with such enthusiasm, I can't be sure.

2006-09-11T09:53:00.000-05:00

September 11, 2001, was my first day at my first post-college job. At 8am, before we knew anything, I set up a table in the student union at the East Coast boarding school where I had gotten a community service teaching fellowship. For half an hour or so, I cheerfully encouraged sleepy students shuffling through on their way to breakfast to sign up for the various community service projects

Oh my god please let me do something other than laundry and financial aid forms today.

2006-09-07T18:39:00.000-05:00

Occasionally, in dire moments of most insane stress, I believe that I would like to be a Woman of Leisure. I would spend my days sleeping in, getting highlights, and developing a taste for sherry. My biggest decision where I should lunch and whether I should take my tea in bed or on the verandah. "Summer" would become a verb- though the decision between summering on the Cape and in the Hamptons

No parking

2006-09-05T19:23:00.000-05:00

Dear University Parking Swamee: Please accept my apology for my disgraceful behavior this afternoon. I came into your office to pick up my parking pass for the new academic year. In my hot little hand I carried a check for two hundred and seventy dollars, an amount equal to the thirty dollar monthly fee multiplied by the nine school months, and the exact amount I was told I would owe by the Law

It wouldn't be any other way

2006-09-03T15:13:00.000-05:00

Jonas, I hardly knew ye. We hardly got a chance to bond or anything, because approximately 24 minutes after I learned of your existence, I got a phone call from a woman named Peak! (who said her name, Peak!, with such enthusiasm that there's no way to write Peak! except with an explanation point,) who cheerfully informed me that she was a friend of the original leaseholder of the apartment I was

Roommate foibles

2006-08-29T22:39:00.000-05:00

Today I came home from work and made a surprising discovery. I have a roommate! And he is a cockroach! I opened the door to my fridge to get a snack and saw, to my horror, a COCKROACH crawl from the top of my fridge door INTO THE BUTTER DISH. (Okay, I don't really have a butter dish. But it crawled into where the butter dish would be if I were a more culinarily inclined subletter.) I did a

Oh Drat

2006-08-29T08:32:00.000-05:00

Side note: This post was initially titled “Oh Shit,” but I decided that I should try to keep the swearing to the body of the posts, not the titles. I am trying to tone down my offensiveness after my baby sister sent me the following email last week after I used the word “shit” in an email to her work account: Please do not send emails containing inappropriate language to my work account, as it

Not really that scary, but an odd sort of haunting

2006-08-27T19:12:00.000-05:00

Is it possible for a toilet to be haunted? A la Moaning Myrtle? Because I think mine is. It keeps making weird glurging noises at random moments, and starting to run and then stopping again. I will walk in to check on it and the water in the bowl will be splashing back and forth, as if the whole thing has been violently shaken. If a whiny pre-teen ghost comes out next, I’m moving.

Let's not even talk about Punky Brewster

2006-08-24T14:52:00.000-05:00

Full disclosure: I am a few years older than John. This and my decision to go to law school after working for a few years means I fairly frequently hang out with people who are younger than I am. It doesn’t bother me, because I enjoy these people’s company and age is just a number and all that. I have, however, somehow developed an annoying tic about it, where I make jokes about how old I feel,

Things that could happen to you on your morning commute to make you feel awkward:

2006-08-23T13:38:00.000-05:00

As you exit your apartment, you could see your across-the-hall neighbor standing naked in her doorway, full-on making out with her heavily tattooed boyfriend (who is wearing an oddly jaunty newsboy cap,) complete with boob squeezing and moaning for effect. You might, as you enter the incredibly narrow hallway separating your two apartments, have trouble avoiding touching them, such that for a

How not to take a compliment

2006-08-22T21:45:00.000-05:00

A nice woman who works at my office complimented me today on my shirt. She had also complimented me on a dress I wore last week. (Did I mention that she is nice?) She and I and another woman were in the kitchenette, doing that elaborate morning polka between the coffee machine, the milk in the fridge, and the sugar on the counter, all trying to prep our hot caffeine as soon as possible so we

Please hold for the next available operator

2006-08-21T15:31:00.000-05:00

This actually happened: Today, instead of getting my act together and doing my assignments for work, I decided to get my act together and arrange my financial aid/loans/grants for the coming year to see whether John and I can still afford to buy goat cheese or will have to trade down to Velveeta (shudder.) Part of this year’s payment plan involves cashing in on my Americorps education award,

om

2006-08-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

After learning that joining a gym for one month in New York was going to cost me $250, I decided that it was about time that I Learn Yoga. Nevermind that I am spectacularly uncoordinated and my soul is not really adequately primed to receive spiritual enlightenment. It's cheap! And supposed to make you limber and flexible! Sign me up! So this week I've gone to yoga three times in an effort to

"Why no pinch?"

2006-08-16T14:48:00.000-05:00

Afternoon productivity has reached an all time low here en la oficina de pseudostoops. This is, I think, the inevitable byproduct of a job where bosses see interns and, instead of thinking “there is a girl with a brain whose brain I will exploit to try to do better work” think “there is a girl with an unlimited access Westlaw account whose unlimited access Westlaw account I will exploit to try

Karma. It's a bitch.

2006-08-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

The office I’m working in currently is directly across from a woman I’ll call Scary Bossy Lady. SBL’s job tasks appear to include managing the air conditioning system, managing the computer equipment, and sending all-office emails about the state of the refrigerator in the break room. Last week, we got a series of fridge status emails from SBL, which got progressively more ridiculous as the week

Warning: Gusty Winds Ahead

2006-08-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

My office shares a building with a language school that caters to young Europeans who want to practice their English, and as such there are always slim, fashionable, cigarette-smoking men and women gathered in clusters around the elevators and entryway. Every time I walk through a group of them I feel self-consciously unglamorous, just another boring American going to just another boring job

The Big Banana

2006-08-09T07:26:00.000-05:00

When Mason’s Sister and I decided to visit Mason in Washington D.C., renting a car seemed like the best plan. Amtrak was going to cost us almost $200 bucks each, flying was the same and involved getting to and from the airport, and the Chinatown bus, while cheap, is notoriously inconsistent between NY and DC, and we’d be tied to their schedule. Plus, I was going to help Mason’s Sister move from

Pseudostoops discovers patriotism, twice.

2006-08-06T07:48:00.000-05:00

Patriotism the First: Mason's Sister and I have driven down to Washington D.C. to visit Mason and to absorb the culture of our nation's capital through the consumption of far too many margaritas. After one day here, I now pray* at the altar of air conditioning, which has allowed me to rediscover warm showers and sleeping with sheets and blankets. Patriotism the Second: I'm no good at rousing

What's in a name?

2006-08-03T08:16:00.000-05:00

One of the most interesting projects I’ve been involved in at my new job (and by “involved in” I mean “did that thing where I foisted myself upon the lawyers doing the actual work because if I had to spend one more minute staring at Westlaw on my computer screen I was going to lose my shit,”) has been choosing pseudonyms for child plaintiffs. When a child is a named plaintiff in a lawsuit,

Breathe easy

2006-08-01T12:42:00.000-05:00

When I was a little kid, maybe 4 or 5 years old, I had a horrific asthma attack that sent me to the hospital for adrenaline shots several times in the course of the week. My poor mother nearly died worrying about me, since no one in my family had ever dealt with asthma before and hearing your small child wheeze pitifully is apparently a terrible terrible thing for a parent (so she tells me.)

Change of Address

2006-07-30T17:45:00.000-05:00

Today I moved from my little east village apartment to my little west village apartment and I could not be more smug about this development. Little west village apartment is perfect- it has a shower that lives in the bathroom and a stove, and a refrigerator, and a microwave, and a dresser, and a Belgain beer bar across the street... I could go on, but I would start to get boring, telling you

More than you ever wanted to know

2006-07-28T13:02:00.000-05:00

I suck at this meme thing, because I'm so bored thinking about what's in my closet I can hardly bear to type it, let alone subject you to it, but then I remembered that I always enjoy reading these when other people do them, so I'd better sack up. Thanks to SamJo for giving me my first tag! I’m flattered. Five items in my freezer: I do not currently have a freezer (see “teeny tiny shitty

Also taking recommendations for good deodorants

2006-07-27T10:40:00.000-05:00

When I first was looking for sublets in New York, a lot of people I talked to about their apartments told me right away that their apartments lacked air conditioning. It had been about 98 degrees in New York for most of July, and these people were melting- their popsicles were melting, their soap was melting, their hairdos were melting- and they really wanted me to know what I was getting into

2006-07-26T09:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Person from the United States Military Academy who was referred to my blog by doing a google search for the word "nudist:" Ew. Same goes for whoever it is who visits EVERY SINGLE DAY based on a search for "anna/nicole/smith/fat." Seriously. Ew. Stop.

I would have posted this sooner, but I've been hiding my laptop in a pillowcase under the bed for safekeeping.

2006-07-25T07:07:00.000-05:00

Back when Stark Raving Crazy Bitch still said she intended to sublet to me, she told me that her apartment would only be available from August 5 through 26th. Since I arrived in New York on July 22, this presented something of a problem. So back to craigslist I went, looking for a place that was available from July 22-August 5. So anxious was I to find a place for

Brace yourself, Big Apple

2006-07-23T10:13:00.000-05:00

When I started law school, I did not ever intend to be a law firm lawyer. (In point of fact, I never even intended to take the bar exam. I intended to be some kind of low-income person’s renaissance woman, teaching the little ones and dispensing free legal advice and cooking casually elegant meals for the crowds of people who would flock to my charmingly rustic yet well-appointed apartment to

Not their target market

2006-07-20T22:41:00.000-05:00

Recently seen on one of those poster-sized advertisements pasted to the inside of the door of a bathroom stall in a bar: Putting on lipstick won’t make your butt skinny. --Bally Total Fitness My response? “Shit, I forgot to cancel my gym membership!”

Going up?

2006-07-19T18:19:00.000-05:00

Today I seemed to be some sort of crazy person in the elevator magnet. I don’t know if it was the heat or what, but all the crazies came out. First there was this exchange: Woman who got on the elevator on the 36th floor: I hate this place Psuedo: (Am I supposed to know this person? What should I say? ‘Hm’ seems noncommittal. Yes, let’s go with that): hm. WWGOTEO36:

More talk about food that will probably bore you

2006-07-18T07:09:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite movies in high school was Better Off Dead, an absurd John Cusack 80s angst classic that I still love today. In it, Lane (John Cusack) is plagued by a pair of Japanese oddballs who are constantly challenging him to drag races and who learned to speak English by impersonating Howard Cosell. Some of the funniest scenes in the movie are the ones where they’re tearing down the

Woe, part one million

2006-07-16T22:22:00.000-05:00

Regular readers will remember that I have had some trouble with my sublet, a crazy lady who could not decide when she was leaving New York and who cheerfully kept my $850 deposit hostage while I inquired politely and then cajoled and then abandoned all dignity and begged for her to finalize things. We'd finally got it all sorted out, and then today, as I arrived home from a nice weekend in

I hope to look fasionably business casual in my safety vest and bike helmet.

2006-07-12T07:34:00.000-05:00

I've been sort of skittish about writing too much about Law Firm recently, because of what happened at a meeting a few weeks ago. Someone from the summer committee was saying something about "if you have a problem, you can always find a member of the summer committee, because we'd really like to know if you're unhappy so we can make it right." And then another member of the summer committee said

Oh, so THAT'S why it was so cheap

2006-07-11T06:47:00.000-05:00

Because I fancy myself your go-to source on all things business casual, allow me to give you a bit of advice: That linen blouse you saw at H&M? The one you thought would look cute and cool and crisp and very summer office appropriate? Don't do it! All linen is not created equal, and linen blouses that cost $14.99 will, by the end of the day, make you look like a discarded Kleenex. You've

Reasons I will never be a scenester (or, "What I learned at last night's event at fancy scenester restaurant.")

2006-07-08T09:41:00.000-05:00

1. I wear flip flops. After a long day of working in business casual shoes, my feet want to flop freely, if you will. (I actually sort of love the business casual shoes part of business casual dress code, because allows me to buy fun high heels and not have John bitch and moan that they make me too tall and make him look short by comparison because, hey! He doesn't work with me!) But flip flops

2006-07-07T08:32:00.000-05:00

Words that actually left my mouth this morning in the park: "We do not eat other dogs' poop in this family, young man!" As if this was a totally reasonable thing to say to a dog. So yeah, Oscar's back.

When good manners and eating issues collide

2006-07-05T08:01:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIMER: Before I launch into today's diatribe, I wish to establish, from the outset, that I know that eating disorders are serious, and are an actual illness, not something to be mocked or dismissed. I also know that there are plenty of people in the world with incredibly frustrating, debilitating gastric disorders that wreak havoc on their systems every day. I know this because my sister

A midsummer day's review

2006-07-02T20:24:00.000-05:00

I'm halfway through the law firm portion of my summer (t-minus three weeks until New York!) and I had my "midsummer review" on Friday. It didn't even occur to me to be nervous about it until afterwards one of my friends said, in sort of a hushed tone, "how was it?" It was fine. They like my work fine, like me fine, things are "on track." "On track" seems good, I guess, though it seems

Brought to you by the color red.

2006-06-30T19:02:00.000-05:00

Remember on Sesame Street how each episode was "brought to you by" a letter? Or a number? Were they ever brought to you by a color? Beacause if my life was Sesame Street, today's episode would be brought to me by the color red. Red Part 1: I had a meeting with a partner to discuss a real estate deal he's working on. I'm in charge of investigating one teensy tinsey issue of a huge honkin' deal.

Remind me never to sign up for a spinning class

2006-06-29T07:39:00.000-05:00

Here's the thing about lawyers: they're a competitive bunch. Not much of a revelation, this, but there you have it. I knew lawyers were competitive about work things: driving hard deals, trying to outmaneuver their opponent in court, competing to see who can send the most terse email with the fewest hints that the writer might be human and not robot- you know, the usual. What I hadn't counted

I like to call this one "The Unbearable Suckiness of Sucking."

2006-06-27T07:32:00.000-05:00

Does your graduate school have this? At my law school, papers are never really "due" during the term when you take the class. Instead, papers are "due" the first day of the quarter following the class. So if you took a class in the fall, and needed to write a paper for it, that paper would be due on the first day of spring quarter. So it is that I come to be frantically writing a paper on

Behind the veil of anonymity

2006-06-26T07:08:00.000-05:00

It is interesting, I guess, that I choose to write this blog under a pseudonym. First of all, I'd venture that at least 6 out of the 8 of you who read this know exactly who I am. Second of all, the pseudonym and the rest of my cover are pretty easy to figure out if you were committed to cracking the code. Still, I persist in pretending to maintain my anonymity because I AM TERRIFIED OF MY LAW