look how much i've grown!
Personal growth comes in mysterious packages. Case in point: Today is the first day of exams for 1Ls. It is also Wednesday. Traditionally, at the law school, Wednesdays start with a feeding frenzy called "coffee mess"- the law school fairies put out free coffee, donuts, bagels, and (oddly) low-carb yogurt, and the law students swarm around the food table like people who haven't eaten in days. Last year, the dean announced that on the first day of exams, coffee mess would start early so everyone could get their food before exams. "What?!" I thought. "Eat before exams? Ohmygosh I'm going to be so nervous and it seems like a bad idea to get me hopped up on caffeine and this seems like a really stupid plan and why don't they just cancel coffee mess because can't they see we're STRESSED here, people?" This year, the dean sent out a similar announcement, and my thinking went something like "Damn right, they're having coffee mess. They'd better not cancel a coffee mess ever again if they know what's good for them. I am ENTITLED to free bagels and coffee, and I don't want to hear any excuses." See? My stomach-ache inducing stress? My panic about grades? My niggling fear that perhaps I was the one they let in by accident and I was going to fail out of law school and god, won't *that* be embarassing when my parents have to tell people at the Christmas party?
Gone!* Replaced by a smug belief that i somehow *deserve* to have coffee and bagels given to me at no cost! Law school HAS taught me something!* Of course, it's also been replaced by a general malaise and belief that this whole law school gig doesn't really matter in the long run and maybe I should quit and go be a school librarian at a low-performing public school like I wanted to do before I started on this insane exercise. But let's not dwell on that.