now clogging the internet elsewhere

11 January 2006

In truth, our kitchen is also starting to smell

I am sort of in love with Supreme Court nomination hearings.

Not because they present novel legal issues (because, let’s face it, they’re really more of an opportunity for posturing than anything else,) but because of the manner in which they are conducted:

Senator from East Dakota: Sir, in 1985, you presented what you have today said was then your “personal view” on the Constitutionally protected right to an abortion. Is that your personal view today?

Judge Scalito: If I were presented with a question like this on the court, I would first be bound by stare decisis, the previous decisions of the court.

SFED: Sir, I am not asking you what you would do if presented with this question on the court, I am asking for your personal view on the matter.

JS: I will approach any question on this matter with an open mind.

SFED: Once again, sir, we all respect your judicial prudence, but I am today asking you to state your current personal view on the matter.

JS: I am grateful for the opportunity to appear before this body today, and I am honored by my nomination, and if I were fortunate enough to be confirmed I would approach any question on this issue that faced the court with an open mind and a willingness to consider all of the issues.

This shit is hillarious! What they really want to say to each other, so clearly is, "ahem, you mean cold-hearted nitwit, do you still honestly think that there's no way a woman should be allowed to an abortion?" "Fuck you, it's none of your business." That Senate! So funny with their false civility! Love it! I’m seriously considering an attempt to conduct the next round of last evening’s, ahem, disagreement over division of labor in dishwashing in the manner of a Supreme Court confirmation hearing. Something like this:

Pseudostoops: Dear, in 2001, when we were in the early stages of our relationship, you expressed an encouraging willingness to set aside anachronistic gender divisions in housekeeping. Is that your personal view today?

Realstoops: Sweetpea, if I were today presented with a philosophical discussion of traditional gender notions in today’s modern society, I would have to seriously consider the question.

PS: Dear, in the context of a philosophical argument, your openmindedness is admirable, but I am today asking for your view on the gross, bean-encrusted chili pot that has been sitting in the sink for 3 days as evidence of the impasse we appear to have reached on the issue of dishes.

RS: I believe there is real room for interesting discussion on the modern division of household labor.

PS: Once again, dear, I am encouraged by your willingness to engage in debate, but the chili powder appears to be petrifying on the sides of the lovely, expensive, Le Creuset dutch oven we received as an incredibly generous wedding gift. I know we would both be disheartened if this lovely piece of cookware was somehow ruined.

RS: I am so glad that we are married, and thus have the opportunity to engage in these discussions on a nightly basis, and if I am fortunate enough to continue to live in this house, I look forward to conducing similar discussions frequently in the future.


Post a Comment

<< Home