If it weren't for bubble tea and good burritos, I might never fly to California again

Dear Woman in 24-D:

Hello! It’s me! The woman sitting next to you in 24-E? The one in the middle seat? With the long legs that are bent to fit into her seat at such a perverse angle that they cause back pain in MERE OBSERVERS because the position is so awful looking? Yeah, that's me! Hi!

First off, let me say that I am so sorry that things are not going well with Ian. When we pulled away from the gate thinking we were about to depart except then the pilot announced that we would be delayed for an hour while they fixed the emergency slide--- I was so glad that you were able to take that opportunity to talk to your sister about how you finally gave him The Ultimatum: propose or move out. Yes! Go sister! Take charge! And then? When he proposed on the spot? And you told him that he wasn’t allowed to propose right then? And so he got on a plane and went to Australia, as he had previously planned? Because you WOULDN’T LET HIM MEET THE CONDITIONS OF YOUR ULTIMATUM? Heart-wrenching. In fact, all of us sitting in rows 22-27 were so moved by hearing every word of this story that we're all ready to chip in and buy you a nice fondue set for a wedding gift! I mean, assuming you ever let him propose, that is. Keep us posted! I’m really pulling for you two crazy kids.

In fact, I’ve been really impressed with you on this whole flight. The Ian debacle understandably left you a little sniffly, and it was pretty cool how you resourceful you were to use your sleeve when you ran out of Kleenex. And that thing where you raised the armrest between us so that you could stretch your knees and legs toward me and into the little space beneath the seat in front of me (no, not the space beneath the seat in front of you, because that’s where your backpack with the cheery flags of countries you have visited sewn to it goes, silly!) to get into a better position for sleeping? Awesome! So many people these days find themselves bound by silly, Puritanical notions of “personal space,” and it’s so gratifying to see someone bust those norms wide open.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you what a pleasure it was to sit next to you for the 5 hours that we were in the small, movie-less MD 80. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.

Cheers,

pseudo

p.s. If you see Extremely Loud Talker from 23-F – the one who used the phrase “that shit is the shiz!” all. flight. long – give him my best, okay!