Today I seemed to be some sort of crazy person in the elevator magnet. I don’t know if it was the heat or what, but all the crazies came out. First there was this exchange:
Woman who got on the elevator on the 36th floor: I hate this place
Psuedo: (Am I supposed to know this person? What should I say? ‘Hm’ seems noncommittal. Yes, let’s go with that): hm.
WWGOTEO36: I told ‘em I won’t work 8 to 5. It’s totally unreasonable. If I work until 5 there’s no way to catch the 5:18 train home and the next train isn’t until 7:18.
Pseudo: (Wait, isn't 8 to 5 totally standard? Am I missing something? Do I care?) Hm.
WWGOTEO36: And I’m already getting on the train at 6 fucking 30 to get here by 8.
Pseudo: (maybe I’d better mix it up a little): Huh.
WWGOTEO36: I told them If they want to run a sweatshop, they’re going to have to find someone else to work for them.
Pseudo: (Is this ride almost over?) Mm-hmm.
Man who was obviously leaving work early: God, what a great day. Pseudo: (This one seems cheerful and harmless. Let’s be a little friendlier than last time): Hm! MWWOLWE: Jesus sure must love us. Psuedo: (Ah. Horrible miscalculation. Must scale back the enthusiasm): Hm. MWWOLWE: Praise Jesus for letting me leave at 4 today. Pseudo: (Elevator slowing down now. Praise Jesus indeed.) Mmm.
I kept looking over my shoulder to see if someone had pasted a “I want to talk to crazies in the elevator!” sign to my back without my noticing.
Then I realized something. I have a perfect solution to this problem: the TV in our elevator! I always thought it was kind of dumb that there is a TV in our elevator, (seriously, are we so chained to our televisions that the thought of riding a whole 45 seconds without tv is enough to send us into fits?) but I now realize it provides a perfect excuse not to make small talk with your fellow riders. You can just enjoy the trop from 37 to ground, watching today’s headlines, tomorrow’s weather forecast, and Travelocity ads. So here’s a proposal, fellow tenants of my large anonymous office building: from now on, I will just ignore you and stare intently at the little tv in the corner, and ride in silence. It may seem cold, but I really just don’t want to talk to you. Deal?