now clogging the internet elsewhere

25 July 2006

I would have posted this sooner, but I've been hiding my laptop in a pillowcase under the bed for safekeeping.

Back when Stark Raving Crazy Bitch still said she intended to sublet to me, she told me that her apartment would only be available from August 5 through 26th. Since I arrived in New York on July 22, this presented something of a problem. So back to craigslist I went, looking for a place that was available from July 22-August 5. So anxious was I to find a place for these exact dates, thus avoiding double booking myself and having to pay for two apartments on some nights, that I sort of ignored some of the finer points of these craigslist postings, like “proximity to public transit” and “existence of a kitchen in the apartment.”

So it is that I come to be settled in the East Village’s coziest shoebox, which was available for exactly the dates I needed and thus I practically threw myself at the feet of the craigslist poster, begging her to pick me. It has some charming, if somewhat unexpected, features:

* The “kitchen” consists of a hotplate and a mini fridge that appears to be older and more decrepit than the mini fridge I had my freshman year of college, which is unlikely to mean much to you but I ask you to take my word for it is a Very Bad Thing.

* The lamp above the bed, with the all-important attached fan, appeared for the first four hours I was here to be completely nonfunctional until, in a fit of frustration, I picked up a remote control that I assumed operated the stereo, pushed “power,” and the lights and fan came on. Hallelujah!

* The “bathroom” is the same room as the “kitchen,” by which I mean the shower, a jerry-rigged contraption of pipes and curtains suspended above a free-standing tub, is right next to the kitchen sink and less than two feet from (a) the fridge, (b) the hot plate, and (c) the front door. Using the same sink for kitchen and bathroom purposes has turned out to be much more unsettling than I expected.

* There is no closet, dresser, card table, plastic bin, or any other storage area to place clothes. I am beginning to suspect that the person who lives here full time is a nudist, which is making me feel even more creeped out than I was before about sleeping on her bedding.

There are some good points, though. What the apartment lacks in creature comforts it makes up for in musical elements. I have concluded that the permanent tenant is a musician (a nudist musician?) and the place is crammed full of cds of all types of music, many hundreds of them, thousands and thousands of dollars worth of music. This is, I suppose, an excellent way to invest your money when you are living in an apartment with a faulty lock (did I forget to mention that part?) as it is sort of hard and not that rewarding to steal hundreds of cds in their jewel cases (“Stop! Thief! The one with cd cases falling out of his backpack!”) There is also, sitting by the front door, (immediately opposite the shower/sink/kitchen) the string board of an old piano that makes loud, dissonant, horror-movie sounds when it is accidentally struck by something like your keys or your bookbag, which adds a nice measure of ambiance. I’m sort of hoping that any thief who is tempted by the faulty lock will barge in, knock the door into the string board of the piano, hear the resulting ominous dissonant chord, be terrified, and run away screaming. It’s a Nudist Musician Burglar Alarm System! ™

I move into my new place on Sunday. Five nights. Not that I’m counting.


At 11/17/2006 12:07:00 PM, Blogger AllHomeSecurity said...

Hello fellow bloggers,

I recently published an article on how security systems work and which are the most effective for your home – here is a quote from it, in case you are interested:

Talking Security Devices. First these devices have been used mainly for talking, but later on they have been integrated into home security system, along with other facilities like opening the door, turning on the light, and for emergency alert.

Back-up Power Supply. You don’t want to live in a movie, especially not in a classic thriller where the lights and home security system turn off especially when you need them more. To avoid this protect your house with a back-up supply.

Smoke Detectors. They add supplementary security to your home. The important thing is to be integrated into your home security and alarm system. These detectors don’t just detect the smoke but they can also help you to escape from a fire in time, at the same time, they cam notify the fire department. Some smoke detector systems have a power supply integrated.

House or Window Decals and Yard Signs. These are quite harmless signs of a possible existence of home security system in your house; they are posted on visible places, like windows, doors, in the yards etc., to scary, confuse and deter the burglars.

Wireless Systems. They offer all the protection necessary to your home and you get rid of hiding and masking all those cords, wires and extra outlets (you can never use for other purposes). The parts, spread around your home, communicate with the master control panel through radio frequencies – mostly used together with wireless CCTV cameras .

Security Services. These services are furnished by companies, which offer you not only the installation but also the maintenance of the system, the monitoring for cases of emergency to alert the police department, fire department, the ambulance, and relocation services for the cases when you move.

Master Control Panel. It is the central device that collects the information from all the sensors and keypads, and transmits the data to the monitoring companies.

If you feel this helps, please drop by my website for additional information, such as advice on buying a home security camera or resources on home security alarms .




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